Embracing Boredom and Saying Goodbye to Sweets
I just unceramoniously said good-bye to sweets. Let me be a little clear. I'm not talking about ALL sugar. I'm just talking about traditional dessert type foods. Ice cream, cake, cupcakes, chocolate mousse, candy bars...etc.
I'm keeping ketchup, bbq sauce, salad dressing and all those other things that magically have sugar in them. I'm trying to listen to my body - not cut out all food completely. No judgement at all to those who do cut out all sugar. That is a super human power that I do not have.
But sugar in desserts - it's my crutch. I've thought, for many years (okay pretty much my whole life) that sugar was my happiness. And according to science, sugar = happiness to my brain. So, can't be mad at my brain too much. But sugar doesn't equal happiness or entertainment or fill a void. It may seem like it (temporarily) but it truly doesn't last long. I've only just realized that I haven't been enjoying dessert, I'm just using it as a filler for boredom. Okay, so I know this isn't new information to some sugar addicts, but it all seems new when you finally get it. And I get it. I would come home and look forward to dessert. That is what got me through my day. I could get through the boredom of work because I knew once I got home I would have dessert to eat.
The first few bites are usually good. But after that, I'm just filling up an emotion. An emotion or feeling I'm trying to avoid. Sugar feels like a savior. It saves me from unhappiness, boredom and uncomfortableness.
But I can survive without it. I can get through a night without it. I can get through a day without it. I won't melt into nothingness if I don't get a cup full of ice cream.
So, I've decided to embrace boredom. Embrace the quiet. Embrace the frustrating. Embrace whatever it is I think a brownie can solve. Not only do I think this will be good for my overall mental wellbeing, it will be a great litmus test to see how sugar really effects my physical body. Because as of right now, everything feels like it is crumbling. My knees ache. My heels ache. My shins burn and my hips are always uncomfortable. My back - don't even get me started. The health and care of my body matters more to me right now than eating cookie dough. Being present and active with Phoebe means more to me than ice cream.
So, I'm finally listening. Hello body - I know you have been screaming at me for a long time but I'm listening to you now. I hope you can forgive me. Will I be perfect, absolutely not! This whole deal could last a day. But I hope for the sake of my body (and my mind) I stick with it. It is going to be hard. Really hard. But I'm excited to see the benefits to my body and I hope that begins to fill me more than sweets ever have.
Let me also clarify that if you eat sweets, that is not a bad thing. Sugar is not a bad thing. You are not a bad person for eating sugar. If you eat a yummy dessert every night after dinner OR before dinner - I think that is great! I think the most important take away is that each of us listens to our OWN bodies and not what we "think" we should be doing based on what other people say. That's been my mistake. Someone says, "My body doesn't react well to XYZ". So then I'm like - eek! - cut out all of that food because that person says it isn't good. What they are saying is that it isn't good for THEM. Sweets, in my observation, are probably not so good for my body right now. So I'm going to see how that pans out for me. You may also feel the same way or you might be like, "Oh that's nice. What an interesting post. I'm going to go eat my grandma's famous lemon pie now - bye!". Do what works best for you. Period.
Listen to your body. I'm going to start embracing and listening to mine.